to new adventures!

i don't even know where to begin with this post. i move to holladay tomorrow, and couldn't be happier about it. i know i need a change, i know that's where i need to go. while i know these things, and am excited to start a new adventure, this past week has been kind of a struggle for me. i'm filled with all these memories and emotions from my time in provo. i don't love it here, but it will always have a special place in my heart. you see, provo was my fresh start. it was my transition phase from married to single life. it was hard. i still remember vividly the day i moved there. i was terrified, humiliated, and really down on myself. but i knew i needed to pick up the pieces and move on. and provo helped me do that. not provo really, but the people there. i moved to provo on a wednesday, and spent the next few days wondering what the heck i was doing with my life. why was i here? what am i going to do? what if this isn't where i'm supposed to be? that sunday i went to my ward for the first time. all of my feelings of doubt and confusion disappeared. yeah, i didn't know anyone. and i didn't talk to very many people for the first few months, but it felt right. let me tell you...it was right. the friends i made in my ward and the bishopric there played an instrumental role in my ability to keep going. and the thing is-i don't think they even realize just how big of an impact they have made on me. it makes me emotional just thinking about it. thinking about where i was as a person a year and half ago and where i am now, and how i wouldn't be here if it weren't for the relationships i formed while living in provo. i know i'm only moving 30 miles away, but it still makes me sad. it's not going to be the same. and that's ok. to the friends i've made over the past year and a half-THANK YOU. you have no idea how much you've influenced my life, and how eternally grateful i am for you and your kindness. i'm leaving behind some very dear friends.

i can't forget to mention my amazing cousins that live in provo, who provided support and love in a time of need. i've said it before and i'll say it again...i have the. best. family. ever. i am truly blessed to a part of mine, and am so grateful to know that i will be with them forever. whether they like it or not ;)

and now...a buttload of pictures/memories from my time in provo.

byu sports!!

saturday morning walks around the temple with the best fam a girl could ask for

3rd row jazz game with my good friend and neighbor, geoff.

sar-bears first sushi experience. she didn't like it ;)

josh and whit, some of my faves!

me, tar, sara, leanne and thomas. go jazz!

don't know what i'm going to do without joe banditos. and these lovely ladies.

zion's trip with friends from the ward. so fun!

love this girl.

just a little catch in the park. nbd.

walking in the torrential downpour!

roasting mallows in annie and dain's backyard. some of my favorite memories.

going to miss these gals SO much.

golf in the park, cause we're cool like that

the time leanne and i bought matching jackets at wal mart. classy.

we LOVE somic.

gorgeous roomies.

karaoke nights!!

i'm looking forward to my new adventure. and hopefully making as many amazing friends in my new ward. peace out, provo. it's been real!

xoxo-meg

turn it around...

life has been a bit hectic lately. and pretty overwhelming, quite frankly. sometimes i feel like i'm going a million miles a minute, and still nothing is getting done. i hate that feeling. i've been trying to be much more conscious of the things that are making me feel like this, and determining how to stop feeling like this. i think i've figured out that sometimes we just go through times in our lives where we are going to feel completely overwhelmed, and that's just life. i don't know how long it will last, but i need to cope with it for as long as it's here. if that makes sense. in an effort to maintain some sort of balance and stay grounded, i've been focusing a lot on writing in my journal every night. each entry starts with something good that happened that day, or something that made me happy. it's kind of a good way to regroup. i find that writing down things that i did or felt during the day really helps me clear my head and puts me in a place that enables me to get more out of my nightly scripture study. if i wait until after, my mind is focused on a million other things, and my scripture study is virtually useless. this is just a method that i've found that works for me, do any of you guys have any other suggestions? 

i want to make sure and point out that just because things have been a little crazy, doesn't mean that i'm not still doing things to have fun. again-trying to maintain a balance. here are a few ton of pictures from the fun things i've done lately.

meeting parker for the first time!

funny faces with this cute little dude. 

90s dance party. mom jeans. 

superbowl sunday with the fam!

business trip to san francisco.

lumberjack monday. i won the costume contest, in case you were wondering.

the. most. awkward. date i've ever been on. ever.

always a good time with these gals. love my family.

laser tag!!

copacabana night (tracy-i need the picture you took of me and you!)

jazz game. third row. this will probably get its own post. coolest thing i've ever done.

i threw this in here for you, tracy. 44 oz. friday. before my week of no soda! :)

looking forward to a (hopefully) relaxing weekend. i have to play a musical number on sunday. wish me luck! have a great weekend.

xoxo-meg

life lately

three posts in one month? what is happening here?! a little update for you...

. i finished making the journal i started about two months ago. it turned out really cute, and i'm excited to make more. perhaps i'll do a little tutorial here.

. i went on a date with a guy i met on lds singles (not the painter..i know, disappointing). we went to dinner and the jazz game with my friends sarah and jordan, and had a pretty good time.

. i went on a second date with the above mentioned guy...it wasn't great. he's nice, but there is zero chemistry. and he kind of eats like a caveman. (i'm not being judgmental, just telling the truth)

. i chopped my hair. again. i don't think i'm ever going to be able to grow it out

hair=gone.

. work has been insane. insane, i tell you! so busy, but still good.

. i'm going back to school this summer (yeah, i'm 25 and i don't have a degree...so what?)

. since i'll be finishing my associate's degree in salt lake, i'm likely moving to salt lake in june. 

. it rained death rain yesterday. (rain that turns to ice) i had no less than 10 near-wipe outs while walking to my car, into work, taking the trash out, etc. 

. i've been sick for the last three days and spent most of yesterday on the couch drunk on theraflu/nyquil, working, sleeping, and watching alias. 

. i slept through my alarm this morning and missed carpool. i am awesome. 

. my little sister had her baby finally, which means i'm an aunt once again! yay for babies! 

. tonight i'm going to see the. george. strait. in concert. with my ma, sister, kate and carrie. it's going to be a blast. george is the man. i love him.

. tomorrow i'm going to a hockey game

. sunday i finally get to meet baby parker! 

. i hoping to finally set my 2013 goals this weekend (yeah, i know. january is almost over. better late than never, right?)

that's pretty much all that's going on right now. i'm very much looking forward to the day that this stinkin' inversion goes away, and it starts warming up a bit! bring on the sunshine. 

xoxo-meg

one year.

yesterday was january 13th. one year to the day from when travis asked me for a divorce. a whole year has gone by! can you believe it? i can't. it's crazy. i've learned a lot about myself over this past year. i've learned that i'm stronger than i ever thought i was, but i've also learned that it's ok for things not to be good all the time. it's been so humbling. it's been scary. but it's also been good. i spent a lot of time yesterday reading through my journal entries from this past year, and i decided to come up with a list of things or people that helped me through this. it was kind of overwhelming. i want to talk about just a few of them on the ol' blog. 

the gospel: honestly...i can't imagine going through something so difficult without the gospel. i've learned so much about the atonement, about my heavenly father, about hope and love. i've come to more fully understand how much my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me. i've learned that when things are too hard for me to handle by myself, i have a Savior who has suffered my pains and who wants me to let him help. i've become part of a ward that i think has saved me. my bishopric is amazing. our stake presidency is equally amazing. 

my family: my parents have been out of this world supportive. heck, my mom dropped everything and flew out to be with me for a whole month just a few days after everything went down. my dad has spent so much time talking to me and helping me through things. i love my parents, and am so grateful for their example and their unconditional love. my sisters. i don't even know where to start here. i remember vividly the night travis asked me for a divorce. i called hannah and molly to tell them the news, and decided to drive to idaho (because travis didn't want me at the house, and i wanted to be with family). molly left a date to meet me in tremonton so i wouldn't have to drive alone, and when we got to hannah's she left what she was doing with her friends to be with me. i'm so grateful to have sisters that would do anything for me, and i for them. i love them. my extended family is so amazing. my aunts, uncles and cousins have been so supportive and so good to check up on me and make sure things are going alright. in particular, annie and dain, kate, mike, ian, and aunt carrie have been life savers. they're close by, so they get the pleasure of putting up with all of my emotional needs, and they have been so good to help me. i was blessed with the best family a girl could ask for.

my friends: for real. the night travis asked me for a divorce and i decided to drive to idaho, the meegans didn't let me leave without getting a priesthood blessing first. so grateful for them. mike and dasha have opened their home to me and spent many a night listening to me cry. they are my best friends, and have helped me in more ways that you can even imagine. my old friends in idaho, my stansbury friends, my friends in salt lake. the friends i've made in my new ward have been amazing as well. i'm not going to name names, because i know i'll forget someone, but you all know who you are. my roommates are so great, and have helped me through so much. those of you who read and comment on this little blog- your comments have meant the world to me! my co-workers are pretty much the best you could ask for. i'm so grateful for them. for the entire company. i am blessed.

it's really amazing to look back over the past year and see everything that's happened. all the people that have touched my life, and the little bit of progress i've made. i still have so, so far to go, but i've made it a whole year! i'm looking forward to even more progression in 2013. so, to all of you who have helped me this year, thank you. seriously, thank you. i would not be where i am without each of you.

xoxo-meg

it's come to this....

well, i've done it. i got myself an lds singles account. it's been pretty entertaining to see some of the messages people send on here. honestly, i hope to at least make some new friends and meet new people, but if nothing else, i will have good stories to share. please take a minute to read the latest message i received. i laughed so hard that i cried. 

"so i think we would probably be a worse off match than peanut butter and ketchup covered in fire ants, so, while i'm not interested in pursuing anything but a potential friendship, i think you're completely and utterly stunning, i'm an artist and i would be honored to paint you or at least show you my work. if that's not too off the wall, but, i'm sure you have gotten nuttier fan mail from others on here!"

what do you think? should i let him paint me?!

i'm sure i'll have plenty more like this. check back for more!

xoxo-meg

the future is bright.

first of all, i realize that i'm pretty much the worst blogger ever. but lately i haven't felt like i have anything to write about. it's been a rough month. sometimes i feel completely empty and alone. and i hate feeling like that. hate it i tell you! 

i've been trying to figure out why i'm feeling this way, and i've talked to lots of people about it. i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never really allowed myself to take time to be sad or upset about my divorce. i thought that if i just moved on, tried to be happy, pretended to be happy....that i would eventually be happy. and it worked. i focused all my energy on trying new things, making new friends, trying to date, and forcing myself to be happy. honestly, i thought i was happy. 

about 6 months after my divorce i started dating someone, which made me even more happy. he was so good to me, cared about me, and treated me like no guy ever had before. we went on fun dates, did nice things for each other, he met my family, it was fantastic. i loved him (although i never told him that). we dated for about 4 months (ish). he was also recently divorced, which was nice...it seemed like we related well to each other. he had kids, which i was fine with. things were great, and he came  to thanksgiving with me to meet my parents and granny.....we had a blast. then about a week later he broke up with me. he told me that he needed to get things sorted out in his head (going through a divorce messes you up), and that he was still in love with his ex wife. 

i was devastated. completely broken, and felt hopeless. although i knew that the break up had nothing to do with me, it left me feeling like there is something wrong with me. ever since then, i've been on a complete emotional roller coaster. sometimes i feel great, but a lot of times i'm just sad and don't know what to do. i'm trying to figure out why it's so hard for me to move on from this when it seemed like i was able to move on from my divorce with no problems. 

the more i think about it, the more i realize that a lot of this is probably stemming from residual feelings that i never addressed after i got divorced. does that make any sense? like i kind of buried all my feelings and tried to forget about them, and this recent breakup has brought all of that to the surface. so i've decided that it's ok for me to just not be ok for a while. i need to allow myself to be sad and upset and it's going to take a lot of time to heal. rejection stinks. and just like we need to allow our bodies time to heal after an injury, we need to do the same with out hearts. hearts get broken, and they need time to repair. but pretending like everything is ok is not the answer. 

so if you happen to run into me and i'm sad or upset, don't feel bad for me, be happy for me. be happy that i'm allowing myself to feel.

and in the interest of not being a complete and total downer, i'm going to list a few of the really good things that happened to me in 2012:

moved to provo 

that move enabled me to meet and make amazing new friends

spent a lot of quality time with my family

started guitar lessons (still taking them, and still loving it)

took golf lessons

surprised my parents at easter in cincinnati

went to jackson hole 

went to aruba

summer trip to mccall, id (probably my favorite place to visit)

ran my very first half marathon

ragnar colorado (188 miles of running with my amazing co-workers)

air supply concert (it's been on my bucket list for forever)

disneyland/ca trip

snow canyon half marathon

thanksgiving 12k

motab christmas concert

i really do have a lot of amazing memories from 2012. this year has been so monumental for me. i've learned more about myself than ever before. i've come to understand the importance of my relationship with my Heavenly Father. most of all, i've been able to lean on my family for support through the hard times, and experience so many of the good times with them. i am blessed. even though i'm sad, i can still recognize the good things in my life and i'm grateful for them every day. 

2013 is going to be a good year. i'm going to make it a good year. i'm currently trying to figure out what goals i want to set for myself and pin point the things i need to focus on more. i'm excited to start the new year with a clean slate and make it something wonderful. the future is bright.

xoxo-meg

thankful

i have so much to be thankful for. it's overwhelming to think about all of the blessings i have. i went to the temple with my roommate last night, and as we were sitting in the celestial room i was overcome with gratitude and love. i kept thinking about my granny and how much i love her. and how grateful i am for the knowledge that families are forever. i need to be better at expressing my gratitude. here's a start. a list of things i'm thankful for.

. the gospel of Jesus Christ

. temples

. parents that taught me the value of hard work. my dad is one of the hardest working people i know. and my mom...well, if you know her, you know that she is amazing. she may not have had a "professional" career, but i honestly don't know of any mother who worked harder to provide a loving, safe, comforting, CLEAN and supportive home. i aspire to be like both of them. if i ever get the opportunity to stay at home and raise a family, i want to do it just like my mom did.

. a granny that would do anything for me. i get emotional just thinking about how much i love that lady. and the thought of losing her some day terrifies me.

. my amazing family. immediate and extended...they're the best. 

. trials

. the fact that my mom made me take piano lessons up until my jr. year of high school. i love playing the piano.

. my job. i love it.

. friends that have been there through it all, and love me no matter what.

. opportunities to serve

. financial comfort

. talents

. opportunities to try new things

. this beautiful country we live in. i'm amazed a the beauty that surrounds me

. modern conveniences like cars, technology, space heaters!!

. a home that invites the spirit. 

. the fact that i have so much family in close proximity to where i live. i can't imagine going through this last year without them.

i'm sure i've left something off the list. but these are the things that come to my mind when i think about gratitude. i love the holiday season because it gives us a chance to reflect on our lives and the many blessings we have.

i've been divorced for 9 months now. it's hard for me to believe that it's been so long. that list that i just shared? yeah, pretty much the only reason i'm not a complete mess right now. i feel like i've always recognized my blessings and been appreciative of them, but not on the level that i am now. sometimes it takes a big change to help us understand just how lucky we are. i hope we can all find time this season to count our blessings. 

xoxo-meg