lately...

i feel like mother nature is having a hard time making up her mind. it was almost 90 degrees on tuesday and today it's only 60 something. it's strange to me how the sun can be shining in all its glory one day, and be tucked behind rain clouds the next. it's almost as if mother nature is having mood swings. i mean, she is a SHE right? so it makes sense i guess. maybe mother nature was really happy on tuesday, and today she's feeling a bit sad and down. 

i feel like i've been the same way lately. i can't make up my mind. am i happy, am i not? it's a constant battle. one that i'm rather sick of, to be honest. and i know that you can make the best of any situation you're in. but sometimes it's harder than others, no? 

it's been almost 6 months since i signed the papers for the big D. 6 months. can you believe that? maybe i think too highly of myself, but i was pretty sure i'd be super happy by the time the 6 month mark came along. not that i'd necessarily be in a relationship with someone or anything, but that i would at least be dating a lot and starting to form new bonds and relationships with people. but guess what? i'm not. i've been on a handful of dates. none of which led to second dates. i'm going to activities and putting myself out there...but not getting a lot in return.

sometimes i think there must be something wrong with me, right? there must be a reason why the dating life has been rather slow and depressing. but i don't really think there is. i'm a relatively easy person to get along with. i think i'm kind of fun to be around. i'm not hideous. so why don't guys want to date me? it's kind of a shot to a girl's self esteem. 

but, then i remember this post from a few weeks ago. and all those thoughts kind of disappear. i remember that this is all part of a greater plan. and you know what? there are people out there struggling with much more difficult trials than mine. and they're getting through. they're ok. and i will be too. 

you know what else? even though i'm not necessarily forming new relationships with people...i am most definitely strengthening the ones i already had. it's amazing to me to know just how many people care about me. i have an amazing family. they love me. they want what's best for me. and this situation has helped me grow so much closer to them. i have some of the most amazing cousins you will ever meet. i know i can go to them with anything. the ones that live close have been a huge support to me. and the ones that live far away have as well. the other day my cousin sent me a message on facebook just to check in. he told me he knows there's someone out there who will appreciate my life experience and feel privileged to be with me. and i believe him. and i feel so gosh darn lucky that i have people in my life to remind me of these things. and my friends? forget about it. they're the best around. i honestly don't know what i would do without them. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is this; despite the fact that i, much like mother nature, have my good days and bad. and my life sometimes feels overcast and dreary...there's always sunshine hiding behind there somewhere. i just need to remember to look for it. and remember it, remember how i feel when i have those moments of sunshine. 

and with that...i wish you a happy long weekend. i get to spend the weekend in beautiful idaho. i love it there. it's almost as if time stops. it's beautiful this time of year, and i'm really looking forward to taking in all that idaho has to offer. plus, i get to brand cows...which is kind of awesome. and i get to spend time with ayden. here's to a fun, safe, happy memorial day weekend.

xoxo-meg